Naruto takes a Genin Squad
by LightningHunter
Summary: Naruto has achieved his dream. But when Tsunade threatens to ban him from Ichiraku Ramen, he's forced to take on a genin team. And Naruto has hardly ever been the most responsible of people...
1. Teams

I decided to write a more future fic, as I have more freedom, and don't have to stick to the storyline

* * *

Chapter 1: Teams

"But I don't want to!" whined Naruto. "There are loads of other jounin out there!"

Tsunade sighed. Naruto may be seventeen, but he still acted like a kid sometimes.

"There are no other jounin who are willing to take a genin squad."

"Then why are you forcing me?!"

"Naruto… if you want to become the Rokudaime, you will take a genin squad."

"Nice try old hag! I'm set to become Rokudaime in a month, and you can't change it now! They've even started putting my face on the mountain… sadly next to your face."

This struck a nerve.

"Brat!" yelled Tsunade, hitting Naruto over the head.

"Nothing you say or do will make me take a genin squad!"

"Really?" asked Tsunade with an evil grin. "You know, the Yondaime took a genin squad when he was about to become Hokage…"

"That won't work on me!" shouted Naruto, yet he could feel his inner resistance crumbling away…

"Naruto… either take a genin squad or I can guarantee you, you'll never eat another bowl of Ichiraku Ramen as long as you live!"

This definitely worked.

"Okay! I'll take the team!"

"Just look at some of the student's files while I find out what squad you'll take."

Naruto grabbed six files, and began to read them.

The Academy sure had changed. For a start, ninja graduates had to be thirteen to pass. Also, to pass, they also needed to learn a jutsu outside the academy. Naruto looked at the first folder. Obito Hatake. Obito had been twelve years old when he met his father for the first time…

**Flashback, last year**

"_That was some good work you two did. Same time here tomorrow for our next mission," said Kakashi to Naruto and Sakura._

_Naruto and Sakura were just walking away, when they noticed a woman with markings on her face similar to the Inuzukas approach Kakashi. They didn't know her, but Kakashi sure did._

_"R- Rin?" Kakashi asked uncertainly. _

_Rin nodded slowly._

_"Why… why did you go?"_

_Rin lifted her head up. "I was pregnant with your son." On cue, a small silver haired boy wearing a mask (which didn't entirely cover his face markings) came up to the pair of them._

_"Hi dad," the boy said nervously._

_Kakashi did the only logical thing. He fainted... while Naruto burst out laughing._

**End of flashback**

Good times, thought Naruto. He looked further into Obito's folder. The kid was a considered genius, and had passed the out-of-academy jutsus test with flying colours. Of course, when your dad has copied over a thousand jutsu that is kind of expected. The jutsus he had used in the test was Summoning, Shadow Clones, Earth Release: Inner Decapitation Jutsu and Fire Release: Great Fireball Jutsu.

The next folder was for Konohamaru. The kid had lots of potential, but spent too much time playing pranks on people. Where did that sound familiar thought Naruto. The jutsu he had used to pass was Summoning… and well, he also tried to used Naruto's original technique (guess which one) as a jutsu. It kind of worked…

The next folder was for Udon. He was more of a strategist, but looked like he was always falling asleep… in short, another Shikamaru. He had just learnt a simple Temporary Paralysis Technique.

The next was for Hanabi Hyuuga. Naruto sure as hell didn't want her on his team, she had that crazy Hyuuga arrogance, that Hinata never had, and Naruto beat out of Neji.

The next folder was for Moegi. She had learnt a couple of genjutsus, False Surrounding and Hell Viewing Jutsu.

The sixth folder was for Inari. He had come to Konoha when he was nine to become a ninja, and although he was behind at the beginning, he was remarkably talented, and soon was hailed as another kid genius. He wielded a metal crossbow capable of close combat use. The jutsus he had learnt was the Fire Release: Phoenix Immortal Fire Jutsu and the Shadow Shuriken Jutsu- both jutsus he had converted into use with his crossbow.

Naruto put the folders down, and was about to pick up some more, when Tsunade re-entered the room.

"Okay Naruto, your genin squad is going to be…"

"WHAT?!" shouted an enraged Naruto after hearing his team.

* * *

"Okay, before I announce all the teams, I have to tell you, due to a lack of jounin instructors, two teams will join up and be taught by one jounin (see where this is going?)," said an academy instructor.

Konohamaru heard it, but just scrunched up a sheet of paper and threw it at Hanabi.

"I'll announce the team of six first, by the way, will be Team 1…"

Konohamaru was privately hoping to be on the same team as Moegi and Udon, and definitely not Hanabi or Inari.

"Okay, Team 1 will consist of Konohamaru, Obito Hatake, Moegi, Udon, Inari and Hanabi Hyuuga."

Konohamaru hit his head twice on the desk. I'm doomed, he thought.

* * *

Three hours later…

"Where the hell is our sensei?!" shouted a furious Konohamaru.

Obito lifted his head up from his Icha Icha Paradise. "I just hope our sensei isn't my dad."

"Well, I don't care who he is! No one comes this late!" Konohamaru grabbed the board eraser, and placed it over the door, so whoever would walk through would be hit by it.

"Our teacher is a jounin. There is no way a jounin could fall for such a ridiculous trick," said a dismissive Hanabi.

"Shut up! What do you know!?"

"Clearly a lot more then you."

Konohamaru fumed, and was about to make a crazy remark, when they heard footsteps, and all of them instinctively turned to face the door.

The door was pushed open… a person walked through… and was hit by the eraser.

"HA HA HA!" laughed Konohamaru. "I got you! I got-" he stopped as he realised who their sensei was. "Oh… hi boss."

Naruto shook the chalk dusting off his head. "My first impression of you guys… you're a bunch of idiots. Meet me on the roof."

* * *

On the roof…

"Why don't you introduce yourself first?" asked Moegi.

"Well, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. You guys can refer to me as Naruto-sensei, Uzumaki-sensei, or Rokudaime-sensei."

"Actually, you are not the Rokudaime yet," said Hanabi.

"Shut up," said Naruto abruptly. "Well, there are a lot of things I like and dislike… my hobbies; I have a lot of hobbies… I no longer have a dream, since it is a reality."

"Has my dad been giving you lessons on this or something?" asked Obito.

Naruto sweat dropped.

**Flashback yesterday**

"_Hey Kakashi, I need your help on meeting a genin squad," said Naruto._

_"Simple, just do exactly what I did with you," said Kakashi._

_"What, turn up late and don't say anything really in introductions?"_

_"Exactly."_

**End of flashback**

"Okay, mask-boy, you first."

"I'm Obito Hatake. I like learning jutsus and reading Icha Icha novels, and I dislike it when people turn up late. My hobbies are the same as my likes. My dream is to find a way to repair my grandfather's sword, and be able to wield it and bring the Hatake name to its former glory."

"Four-eyes, you next."

"I'm Udon. I like sleeping, and strategising. My dream is to become one of the greatest strategists of Konoha."

"I'm Moegi. I like training and I dislike people who make fun out of me. My dream is to become a great kunoichi."

"I'm Konohamaru. I like training and pulling pranks. I dislike arrogant kids (at this Konohamaru glared at Hanabi), and I dislike it when people call me Honourable Grandson instead of my name. My dream is to become Hokage, and surpass my greatest rival."

"I'm Inari. I like training, and I dislike people who try to hurt innocent people. My dream is to become a great ninja."

"I am Hanabi Hyuuga. I dislike several things, and I don't like things. My dream is secret."

"Is it to kill your evil brother who slaughtered your clan?" joked Naruto, clearly referring to Sasuke.

Hanabi's eyes narrowed. "No."

"Okay, so that's for today. Now tomorrow, you will all do some survival training…"

"Survival training? What's the catch?"

"If I tell you, you won't like it…"

"Tell us!" said Konohamaru. "We're not scared!"

"Well, then, the thing is, if you fail the test I give you… you go back to the Academy."

"WHAT?!"

"But we're already genin!" said Moegi.

"No, that test was just to see who had the potential to become genin. This is the real test. You will all have to bring your ninja weapons as well… and I suggest you don't eat breakfast, because if you do, you'll puke," said Naruto, unleashing a small wave of killer intent.

Naruto body flickered away, and met his old sensei.

"So… how was it?" asked Kakashi.

"Kakashi, have you told your son about the bell test?"

"No… wait, you're not copying me completely, are you?"

"Yes, so don't tell him."

* * *

The next day… Three hours after the time Naruto had said…

"Hi guys," said Naruto.

"YOU'RE LATE!"

"Well, a black cat crossed my path, so I had to take the long way."

Obito looked suspicious. "Yeah, my dad has definitely been giving you lessons."

"Okay, so here's the test. These four bells. If you can not acquire a bell by lunch, you will be sent back to the academy, and you will tied to one of the posts, and watch me and everyone who passed eat lunch in front of you."

The genin sank down. That's why he told us not to eat breakfast, they thought.

"Okay… so go!"

Obito pondered. If he was going to attack Naruto, he couldn't just jump out of the bushes at him, or just throw a barrage of shuriken. A plan suddenly formed in his head.

Naruto stood, waiting for someone. On cue, nine dogs burst out of the ground at him, and Naruto just escaped by flipping backwards. Obito also burst out of the ground, but he was avoided as well.

"Earth Jutsus… rather clever, but not good enough."

The dogs poofed away, and Obito charged.

"Perfect," said Naruto. "Now I can finally revenge myself on your father…"

Naruto vanished and reappeared behind Obito, his hands in a particular seal.

The others panicked and thought Naruto was going to kill Obito.

"One Thousand Years of Pain!" shouted Naruto.

Obito flew into the lake.

"I can't wait to tell Kakashi that," said Naruto. "Time to get going."

The next person to attack was Konohamaru… who was left hanging from a tree.

Inari ended up stuck in the ground.

Udun slept through the whole thing.

Moegi's genjutsu was countered and she fell unconscious.

Hanabi ended up stuck in a puddle of mud.

"Well, I have good news, and bad news," said Naruto.

All six were tied to a log, two to each log.

"The good news is that none of you will go back to the academy."

"What?" asked Udun. "We passed?"

"Alright, we passed!" shouted Konohamaru.

"What's the bad news?" asked Inari.

"The bad news is that all six of you will be permanently removed from the ninja program."

"WTF?"

"You six didn't understand this test at all."

"Didn't understand?" asked Moegi.

"Yeah, what's so special then?" asked Konohamaru.

"It's so basic… TEAMWORK!"

"We were supposed to work together?" asked Inari.

"Yup, and you fail," said Naruto.

"Wait, give us another chance!"

"Well…"

Naruto then untied Udon, Hanabi, Obito, Inari and Moegi.

"What about me?!" shouted Konohamaru.

"You fell for an obvious trap, so, if the others feed you, you automatically fail."

And so, it commenced a complete copy of what happened with Team 7, and the six passed. Naruto had just given his report in when he realised.

"Crap, I have to look after six kids."

"So how was it?" It was Kakashi, Rin and Sakura.

"I passed them. And I revenged myself on you Kakashi."

"Revenge?"

"Remember what you did to me, which resulted in me not able to sit down for a whole day?"

"You hit Obito with Thousand Years of Pain?" asked a shocked Kakashi. "You're worse then I am."

"You hit my son with that technique?" asked a furious Rin. "And Kakashi, you hit Naruto with that technique?"

"Oh crap," said the two before Rin punched and kicked them numerous times, sending them into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

Next Chapter: Missions and the Torture that is Training


	2. Missions

The missions begin, and the genin begin to get very pissed off with their lazy sensei...

* * *

Chapter 2: Missions

"Here are the choices of missions," said Tsunade.

Naruto looked down the list, and found a mission that had been torture for him. Retrieve cats.

"I'll take the Cats Retrieval mission."

"Okay… by the way Naruto, can you do the paperwork for me again?" pleaded Tsunade. Naruto always finished the paperwork so quickly.

"No, that's my revenge for you threatening to ban me from Ichirakus," grinned Naruto, before disappearing in a yellow flash. He had decided to show up early, but then he realised he hadn't had breakfast. "Time for ramen!" he shouted gleefully clapping his hands together.

"Where the hell is he!?" shouted Konohamaru.

"I guess he really took dad's advice seriously," said Obito to no one in particular.

"Yo," said Naruto, appearing in a yellow flash. "Good morning every one."

"YOU'RE LATE!"

"Well… I had to rescue a princess from a group of missing ninja," said Naruto. _Wow, I didn't know making crap excuses was so fun _he thought.

"LIAR!"

"Anyway, I have got you your mission for today," said Naruto.

"It'd better not be a pathetic mission like shopping or babysitting," said Hanabi, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.

"No, I thought you lot had much greater potential."

This perked the genin's interest.

"So what are we doing boss?"

Naruto sighed. "I told you lot to refer to me as "sensei", and anyway, the mission."

"Well?" asked Inari.

"How should I put it… the Daimyo's wife owned a creature named Tora. A year ago, the creature fathered three offspring, which the Daimyo's wife gladly adopted. Sadly, she is the only one who is unaware of the cruel nature of these creatures. Many a time have the creatures escaped, causing chaos and havoc. Many genin, chunnin and even jounin have been hospitalised from these creatures."

The genin were a little scared, not to mention Naruto had added some killer intent with his words.

"What creature is it Naruto-sensei?" asked Moegi.

"They… are… cats."

The six fell down anime style.

"THEY ARE CATS?! WHAT'S SO SCARY ABOUT CATS?!"

"You'll be surprised…"

* * *

One hour later…

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" screeched Konohamaru. "LADIES AND HOKAGE DESCENDENTS FIRST!" The six genin, all horribly clawed, ran back to their sensei.

"Well, I did warn you…" said Naruto lazily, after pulling out a scroll and unsealing a bowl of ramen out of it, and then started eating it after putting the scroll away.

"THOSE AREN'T CATS! THEY'RE MONSTERS!"

"We should run now," said Hanabi urgently. It was quite funny to see the ever arrogant Hyuuga terrified of cats.

"Very fast," added Obito.

"You ninja have a mission, and if you can't do a simple thing like capturing four cats, you'll never amount to anything or complete your dreams. Now, go and capture the cats! Remember the plan!"

"What plan?" asked Udon. All the genin looked at Naruto.

"Oh… did I not mention the plan? You know, how to capture them without getting a single scratch?"

Naruto was suddenly aware of insane killing intent from his students.

"Of course, I'm pretty sure you can figure it out yourself. Enjoy yourselves, and don't come back till you've captured the cat," said Naruto, before disappearing in a yellow flash.

* * *

Several hours later…

The group of genin walked into the Hokage tower, horribly mauled by the cats- which were currently in a cage.

"My poor sweet cats!" exclaimed the Daimyo's wife, before grabbing the cage, pulling out the cats and hugging them furiously.

"Alright, for your next mission," said Tsunade picking up a scroll. "There's painting a fence, weeding, walking the dog-"

"Give us a real mission! Like a C-rank one, not a stupid D-rank!" whined Konohamaru.

"For your information, that cat mission was classed as a C-rank!" snapped Tsunade.

"Seriously?" asked Inari.

"Cool!" shouted Konohamaru. "That means we get extra pay!"

"About that… well, Naruto took your payment in advance and used it to go out and hang with his friends."

Killer intent started to radiate from the team. "HE DID WHAT WITH OUR MONEY?!" Even Hanabi was shouting; just because she came from a rich clan didn't mean she was allowed to use all that money.

"Anyway, your next mission will be… cleaning a bar."

"What? Which bar?"

"Well, Rock Lee accidentally got drunk when he was hanging out with Naruto and ended up trashing the bar."

Huge killer intent amounts was flying off the genin. Their no good dirty scoundrel of a sensei got them horribly mauled by cats, stolen their money, and in the making, provided a new D-rank mission. They all silently took an oath to strangle Naruto the next time they saw them.

"So then… good luck."

* * *

Later that evening…

The genin stumbled home. Who'd have thought you could make that much mess in a bar.

* * *

Inari entered his house.

"How was it today?" called Tsunami.

"Frankly, it sucked," grumbled Inari.

* * *

Konohamaru fell into his room. He quickly found a picture of Naruto and started using it as a dartboard with kunai instead of darts.

* * *

Hanabi stamped angrily into the Hyuuga Compound.

"Hanabi, is everything alright?" asked Hinata.

"What the hell did you see in that bastard Uzumaki!?" shouted Hanabi.

* * *

Obito found his mother in the kitchen.

"Where's dad?" inquired Obito.

"Well, apparently he was hanging out with your sensei, got drunk and is now having one hell of a headache," said Rin.

Obito fell down anime style.

* * *

The next day

"Hey guys," said Naruto appearing. "Sorry I'm late, I had to-"

The six gave war cries as they charged their sensei. Even the sleepy Udon and the generally kind Moegi were both trying as hard as possible to beat the crap out of their sensei.

"What the hell has gotten into you guys?" Naruto practically screamed as he ran through the streets, chased by the genin.

"YOU ARE THE WORST SENSEI IN THE WORLD!"

"Alright," yelled Naruto. "The thing is, I don't really know what you're talking about…"

"WHAT?! YOU ASSHOLE!"

* * *

About one hour later

Naruto was lucky he had his healing factor, or he'd have ended up in a hospital. Currently, he was about to take another mission.

"Come on! Give us a decent mission Naruto-sensei!" yelled Konohamaru.

"For what you did earlier? No way, I'm going to give you the most boring missions possible," said Naruto smirking slightly.

"As a Main House Hyuuga, I refuse to take any D missions," said Hanabi narrowing her eyes.

Naruto sighed. "Sorry, but whether you're a Hyuuga or not won't affect my decisions…"

"Come on, why do we have to missions like retrieving cats Naruto-sensei?" asked Inari furiously.

"Oh shut up you lot, all the greatest ninja have tried… and failed to retrieve cats. The Sandaime once had to catch cats… so did the Sannin once… so did the Yondaime… so did Kakashi… so did I…"

Naruto had a painful flashback of him catching the cat Tora- before it mauled his face.

Tsunade remembered a time when her team was catching cats- or more correctly, Orochimaru and Jiraiya were chasing the cat wielding the most torturing weapons, screaming profanities that would make people like Tsunade and Tayuya seem like angel mouths.

Kakashi who just passing by, recalled the time Obito and him both pulled out every single kunai and shuriken they owned and launched every single one at those cursed cats…

* * *

Up in… heaven maybe?

The Sandaime and the Yondaime were watching the scene from up above. The Sandaime remembered when he had blasted every single jutsu he knew at the cat, and the Yondaime reminded himself of the time he chased a cat with a club with several nails sticking out of it.

Cats can be so evil.

* * *

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FU-"

"I said no high missions, but you lot can do some special training instead," grinned Naruto.

"Special training? What kind of special training?"

* * *

A few hours later…

"GAH!"

The genin were on the floor, literally. Naruto had deliberately given them weights- well, the kind of weights that would send Gai into a speech about how flames of youth are developing.

"Come on, I said one hundred push ups, and neither of you have even reached ten," said Naruto.

"What the hell is this Naruto-sensei?!" asked a livid Obito. "You're supposed to get light weights to start with…"

"True, but it's cheaper this way. Now, all I need to do is find something that keeps your mouths shut and I think I might actually enjoy this teaching lark."

The genin grumbled and Naruto's eyes lit up slightly.

"By the way, each time you complain, you have to do more push ups…" said Naruto evilly.

* * *

The next day…

"Okay you lot, due to the complaints your families have put forwards about me," grumbled Naruto, "I'm giving you guys a C-ranked possible B-rank mission."

"A B-ranked? Awesome!" said Inari.

"The chances of all six of you living in the case of a B-rank is about thirty three percent," said Naruto.

At this point the genin all looked a little freaked.

"For your mission, you shall be going with me to the Wind Country, to the Village Hidden in the Sand. We are going to deliver this important and super top secret message which must not be stolen or something," said Naruto waving a scroll around before shoving it back into his jounin vest.

"What's in it?" asked Konohamaru.

"If I told you that, it wouldn't be all that an important and super top secret scroll, now would it? I'll give you… an hour to get packed and meet me at the West Gate."

"You mean three hours more like, you're always two or three hours late Naruto-sensei," said Udon.

Naruto sweat dropped slightly.

"Yeah, so… don't be late," said Naruto before disappearing in a yellow flash.

* * *

A couple of hours later…

"You're late again!"

"Sorry, I was busy making this," said Naruto pulling out a map showing their route.

"Naruto-sensei, what are those yellow markings on the road from here to the Village Hidden in the Sand?" inquired Moegi.

"I'm glad you asked me that. Those are even more important then the message I carry…" said Naruto grimly.

"And what are they?" asked Hanabi coldly.

"Those yellow markers… they mark out… they mark out all the best ramen stalls from here till Sand!" said Naruto happily.

Upon noticing his genin's glares, he quickly continued.

"I mean, I sure as hell am not going to eat some crappy tinned food or something you guys find in the wild!"

"Well, I'd rather eat ramen then that stuff too," said Obito.

Naruto threw the lot of them a particularly evil grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry… you guys will treat this as a survival exercise. In short, you guys will be eating that crappy tinned food, stuff you find in the wild, will keep guard out, will put up tents and things, and basically do all the hard work while I sit back on my ass," said Naruto.

"WHAT!?"

A killer intent grew from the genin's again, but Naruto was more then prepared.

"Oh no, you guys don't want to go back to retrieving cats now, do you?"

* * *

What was in that secret scroll? All shall be revealed in Chapter 3 of Naruto takes a Genin Squad! 


	3. The Scroll

The long-awaited chapter is here

* * *

Chapter 3: The scroll

The team had made some good progress, and it was fast approaching lunchtime.

"Alright team, time for lunch! There's a ramen stand nearby for me… and well, you guys, whatever you find," said Naruto, before running off to the ramen stand.

"So, how do we find this food?" demanded Konohamaru.

"Use Hanabi's Byakugan!" said Obito.

"We are not going to use my bloodline for a simple thing as finding food."

"Fine, we'll go hungry then!"

"Okay, everyone split up, and look for something to eat. Meet back here in half an hour. Let's go!" said Inari.

Half an hour later…

"Did you find anything?" asked Udon.

"No," whimpered Moegi.

"I didn't."

"Nor me."

"I could not."

"There was zilch."

"That was some good ramen," said Naruto, appearing out of nowhere. "Alright, move on!"

"Naruto-sensei, we're hungry," said Moegi.

"Not my problem," said Naruto patting his stomach.

At this point one of those cartoon things happen, when you look at a person and they seem to turn into a cooked dinner.

Well, all the genin suddenly saw Naruto as an overflowing bowl of ramen.

They all started licking their lips (apart from Obito, for obvious reasons) and pulled out chopsticks from their sleeves.

"Erm… why are you guys looking at me like that?" asked Naruto.

The genin took a step forward.

The Rokudaime went a step backwards.

"Stay back, I'm warning you… I will not chicken out from attacking you!"

"Chicken?" said Konohamaru, as the genin's vision changed from a bowl of ramen to a giant cooked chicken.

"Food…" the genin's said hungrily and zombie like. "Food… food…"

The screen fades out as we hear a loud "OW!"

That evening, around a campfire

"We said sorry for biting you Naruto-sensei," said Obito.

"Sorry? Someone bit my ass!" shouted Naruto furiously.

The genins all suddenly span around and starting spitting vigorously.

"Oh, well, you guys, starting setting up tents and sleeping bags. I shall supervise."

"We will not put one up for you," said Hanabi.

"Fine by me," said Naruto, pulling out a ramen catalogue out of his weapons pouch.

After several incidents, most involving Konohamaru and Udon tripping over the tent ropes, they finally got the tents up.

"Just like a camping holiday," said Naruto.

"What about you, Naruto-sensei?" asked Inari.

Naruto smirked and pulled out a scroll, and unsealed something.

There was a great cloud of smoke revealing…

A giant tent. Not just any giant tent, a luxurious executive model. It was big enough to fit all the other genin tents in and still have plenty of space.

Naruto walked in and the genin peered in. What they saw made their jaws drop.

There was a four poster bed, a wardrobe, a changing screen, a stove, several instant ramen cups, a bookshelf, potted plants, several beanbag chairs and a portable television.

"There's nothing better then a nice bit of luxury after a hard day's work of ruining your genin's lives," said Naruto lazily, putting on an evening gown, leaning back in a beanbag chair and finding a newspaper.

Anime tears flow down the genin's faces.

That night was not pleasant. Rain seeped through the crappy tents the genin were forced to stay in, and the sounds of thunder were terrifying Moegi (who wouldn't have been scared, but since she was in a poorly made tent…you can imagine).

The six poked out of their tents, to communicate with the others.

"Hey, is that smoke rising from Naruto-sensei's tent?" asked Udon drowsily.

"Yeah!" said Konohamaru.

"Holy hell," said Obito. "That's a frickin chimney he has attached to that tent."

"A chimney…?"

Five seconds later, the six burst out of their tents, and ran to the executive model.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" asked Naruto, who was lying back in bed, watching a movie, (Home Alone 2, if you're interested) and being served drinks and snacks from a waiter.

"A waiter? You have a waiter!?" Konohamaru half-screamed.

"Konohamaru, don't scream. You'll wake the butcher who's in the fridge," said Naruto, after having his glass refilled.

"There's a butcher in your fridge?" asked Inari.

"What else have you got here Naruto-sensei?" asked Moegi.

"Nothing else, save a bathroom."

"How the heck did you do all this?" asked Obito.

"That, is a great Hokage secret I can only pass on to the next Hokage," Naruto said gravely.

"You got a massive tent and crammed stuff into it?" asked Hanabi.

"Pretty much. Fine, you guys can camp on the beanbags- hey what the-" Naruto stopped, as the genin had already collapsed asleep. "What a nice team. I wonder if this is what Kakashi-sensei felt like…"

Next day

"Come on, you lazy lot, get a move on!" shouted Naruto. "Have I trained you this badly! Do you want more weight!"

"Jackass," muttered Konohamaru.

"Evil bastard," muttered Udon.

"Lazy excuse for a ninja," muttered Inari.

"A guy who's listening to you insult him," said Naruto behind them. "And by the way, Hanabi, I told you to keep a look out, since there is a bunch of former Sand nin surrounding us and thinking of a plan to take the scroll."

"Wait, what?"

The Sand missing-nin attacked, since their cover was blown.

"Kill the kids first, then deal with the lazy guy!" said who appeared to be the leader.

"Now you guys are stupid. Firstly, you mess with me, a close friend of the Kazekage. Secondly, you mess with me, the Rokudaime Hokage."

"True, but everyone knows the enemies of the good guys are either really dumb or really clever."

"Ah, and you guys fall into the "really dumb" category. Well, continue. Guys, either beat the crap out of them or kill them, I'm not really bothered about either option."

There were seven ninja, one on one. Coincidence or what? Is someone out there losing all sense of originality?!

Far away, author discusses with friends the over-use of sneezing jokes.

"Ha! I got a puny girl! Die!" screamed one, charging Hanabi, who simply side-stepped him and Jyuuken-ed him straight in the heart, thus ending his life. Hanabi wasn't too bothered, she had been prepared for her first kill by her clan.

"You killed my friend! After I deal with this brat, I'll kill you!" screamed a ninja, thus taking his attention away from Inari, who shot him in the head with a metal bolt.

"Your hair colour looks artificial!" shouted a ninja at Moegi, who simply froze him in a genjutsu where she proceeded to beat the stuffing out of him (well really, she just kicked him in the …well, you know where… but either way works).

"Blah blah! I can't think of any deranged comment to make!" shouted two before running at Konohamaru and Udon- who ducked, resulting in the two to knock each other out, and fatally causing their brains to leak.

"You must have fish-lips or teeth like a beaver hidden under that mask!"

No prizes for guessing who this was yelled at. Anyway, it resulted in the unfortunate yeller being torn apart by ninken dogs.

"And you- urg" The guy stopped due to the fact he had just had his arms, legs, and head cut off.

"Boring," yawned Naruto. "No wait, could it be… the League?"

"Who's the League?" asked Obito.

"The League… the League of Retarded Missing-Nin."

"What?" all six genin asked.

"Sort of like the opposite of Akatsuki. Akatsuki is a group of extremely clever and talented ninja. The League of Retarded Missing-Nin are an army of extremely stupid and useless ninja. Obviously, Akatsuki is the smaller group."

"It sounds like an author ran out of things to write about and fell back to making up a group of useless OCs," said Konohamaru.

Naruto spun around to face Konohamaru. "Konohamaru, insulting an author tends to get the character killed off."

"Um…The League sounds incredibly dangerous?"

"Much better. This group we just dealt with are the Seven Drop-Outs. Failed the genin test more then twenty times, and never passed in fact."

"What?"

"You mean, we have just defeated a group of… academy students," summed up Obito.

"Correct. Now, to Suna!"

Suna

"Welcome to the Sunagakure, the Village Hidden in the Sand. Quite strangely named, since this is the Wind Country, and sand has very little to do with wind, but there is a lot of sand anyhow," said Naruto.

"Do what?" asked Udon confusedly.

"Just nod your head and pretend to listen, it's what all the others in this group tend to do," said Naruto, glaring at the others, who had all started whistling innocently.

Kazekage Office

"Yes…yes…of course!" said Gaara triumphantly. "I should have realised it…it all makes sense now!"

"I think we just handled a mission of the utmost importance," said Konohamaru proudly.

"Something, I think we've been duped in to something," said Hanabi suspiciously.

"So, Naruto-sensei…what was in the scroll?" asked Moegi, tugging on Naruto's arm.

"Well-"

"Kankuro!" yelled Gaara suddenly. "It turns out Temari hid the TV remote behind the sofa!"

There was the sound of someone hitting their forehead.

"Of course," yelled the distant voice of Kankuro. "She would do something sneaky like that!"

"Hurry Kankuro! We may see the Simpsons yet!"

"A TV remote? We went through all that to deliver news about a TV remote!?" hissed the genin simultaneously.

"Woah, that's creepy… well, yeah. Gaara loves his TV, and won't replace it. And the only channel you can get without the TV is wildlife, and Gaara can only watch racoons for so long…"

Naruto stopped, as the genin started unsheathing their kunai.

"Oh come on guys, give me a break here…"

Suddenly, a male's scream could be heard all the way to Konoha.

Konoha

"Excellent," said Tsunade, putting her fingers together in a Mr Burns like-way.

The month had flown by, and Naruto was at his …coronation? Is that a good word to describe it?

"I swear, to protect Konoha and it's people!" said Naruto, waving his Hokage hat.

The people cheered, and their were the sounds of fireworks and confetti flew through the air.

"Yes… and I have a couple of decrees."

Suddenly, the celebrations stopped, as Naruto started laughing manically.

"Anyway…Decree 1. Kakashi of the Hatake Clan is banned from purchasing any Icha Icha merchandise."

"NOOO!!! NARUTO! HOW COULD YOU?!!" screamed Kakashi.

"In fact, after that outburst, anyone from the Hatake Clan is banned from purchasing any Icha Icha merchandise."

"NOOO!!! SENSEI! HOW COULD YOU?!!" screamed Obito.

"Decree 2. Tsunade of the Sannin is banned from gambling and drinking."

"BRAT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"Decree 3. Sai is banned from ever commenting on a male's manhood ever again…and thinking about it, banned from making nicknames as well.

"How will I make friends!?" sobbed Sai.

"Decree 4. Jiraiya of the Sannin can not go within fifty yards of a female bathhouse."

Jiraiya burst into tears, commenting on his research, while the women in the village cheered.

"Decree 5. No Nara may ever be lazy again, or use the word "troublesome".

"Son of a-" said all the Naras.

"Decree 6. There will be a tax on S.E.T. Sex enjoyment tax. Pay a lot, and that means you have had better sex then your friends, rivals and neighbours."

Every guy realises they have to pay more then any other guy.

"Decree 7. Every Hyuuga must wear clothes that resemble my orange jumpsuit I wore in my genin days.

Every Hyuuga's jaw hits the ground and goes through it.

"Decree 8. Those bug guys-"

"Clan Aburame," said Shino.

"Yeah…those bug guys will no longer wear shades, or high-collared jackets, or be so unsociable."

Suddenly, there is a lot of buzzing around the Aburames…angry buzzing.

"Decree 9…."

And Naruto continued to list more and more decrees, thus pissing off everyone in Konoha, excluding himself, and someone else…

"And Decree 1034… anyone who has shoved their hand through my chest, will be taxed ridiculously."

"Well crap," said …Sasuke! That's right, he's not dead! (But neither is Itachi, I can not believe that Sasuke stands a chance of defeating him).

"And finally…"

The crowd anxiously awaited what else would be the cold icing on the cake.

"APRIL FOOLS!"

There was silence, save from Naruto's laughter. Everyone had forgotten it was April 1st , save the Hokage.

"You should have seen the look on your faces!" laughed Naruto.

A second later, thousands of kunai were thrown at Naruto.

"Wow, sensei's on his first official day as Hokage and he's already incited a riot," commented Inari.

"He rocks," said Konohamaru enviously. "Remind me to do something like this when I become Hokage."

* * *

Sorry, but this is a comedy story.

Next story to be updated...probably Brotherhood.


	4. Being Hokage Sucks

Well, I've updated again. I'll be updating Reaper soon, so enjoy this chapter until it does.

* * *

Chapter 4: Being Hokage Sucks 

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Hanabi, before rushing out of the Hokage's office.

"Hmm...I wonder what was up with her..." said Naruto, before turning to some very important matters. "So ladies...where were we?"

A few weeks later, after several incidents of anarchy due to Naruto's laziness, almost another Great Shinobi War when Naruto flipped the bird at the Tsuchikage at K3 (Kool Kage Konvention), Konoha was finally falling into place.

Naruto was already regretting the job, I mean, sure, everyone loves and respects you, and you get women flocking to you (Naruto remembered one scream "I WANT YOUR BABIES!" That one placed him into shock for three solid hours, where he woke up in a hospital bed, to find Shizune had kept away the girl who screamed the statement and wanted to sleep with him whilst he was asleep. However, he found the lustful and yet strangely satisfied grin Shizune kept giving him somewhat scary, making him wonder what exactly happened in those three hours), you get first dibs at wedding cake, you get a giant monument of your head stuck on a mountain, but the rest of it sucked donkey balls.

The paperwork really sucked. Naruto had contemplated using Clones to help him, but he found it took away the great pleasure of satisfaction that he got defeating- uh, signing all the paperwork.

As well as that, he regularly visited the Ninja Academy, and regretted it every time. The general majority of the kids were a bunch of whiny snot-nosed brats that expects the world to be handed to them on a _golden_ platter (not just any golden platter, but a platter with gems set into it, and their names engraved on it), whilst they sit on their rather large arses and eat burgers from that dodgy fast food restaurant, what was it? Ah yes, McDoninjas. Speaking of which, Naruto practically destroyed their reputation by cracking a bunch of obesity jokes at the council meetings.

* * *

Flashback: 

_"And now, the growing problem of obesity," said Homura. "However, there are several signs of obesity, such as-"_

_"If you've got a burger in your mouth," interrupted Naruto._

_Homura snapped the pencil in his hand. "No, such as-"_

_"If you step onto a weighing scales and it says no coach parties?" _

End flashback.

* * *

As well as that, he couldn't even get a decent meal at Ichiraku's anymore, as it had someone become a shrine to Naruto fans, people flocking there as if they're on a bloody pilgrimage, hoping to catch a glimpse of the incredible Naruto. And old man Ichiraku was hardly helping, the bloody coot had stuck up pictures of him, as "No.1 Customer", and roped off his seat, where people took bloody photographs of it, and the old coot had even published a bloody book, detailing the day he met Naruto, and stupid things like an average order. Hell, he had even made a "Naruto Challenge", where you had to eat as many bowls as possible; to rival the incredible record Naruto had set. (Naruto wasn't entirely sure of it...you see, he lost count somewhere after two hundred and eight six). The old git was making a bloody fortune, until Naruto stepped in, meaning that the man had to either cough up some of the profits, or give Naruto free ramen every now and then. 

As well as that, now he was placed in the bingo books. If a man in debt from mortgage and insurance payments killed him, he'd instantly become a billionaire. As well as that, news of Naruto's parentage had been leaked, meaning the Tsuchikage was particularly eager to have him alive, because of Naruto's old man Minato the Yondaime (which had also been leaked to the press), and the fact Naruto flashed his middle finger at him, and hit on his wife. The fact the Tsuchikage's wife blushed and giggled like a schoolgirl didn't help either.

* * *

Flashback: 

_"And there's the Raikage," pointed out Tsunade._

_"And there's the __**cough **__asshole __**cough**__ Tsuchikage," said Kakashi helpfully. _

_Naruto casually strolled with Tsunade and Kakashi on to meet the Tsuchikage. Only he was distracted by the rather good looking woman next to him._

_And in a yellow flash -not exactly a wise thing to do near Iwa ninja, especially when it says on the back of your Hokage coat-thing: Rokudaime Hokage, son of the Yondaime Hokage. You know, blonde hair, killed a lot of Iwa nin, sealed away Kyuubi- he appeared next to the woman. _

_"Well, who's this vision of loveliness?" said Naruto, ignoring the shocked looks of the Iwa-nin, and the furious face of the Tsuchikage._

_The woman blushed. "Rokudaime Hokage, well, as much as I "appreciate" your comments, firstly, you're too young for me-"_

_"But age is nothing compared to experience and skill," interrupted Naruto, before leaning in and saying seductively, "How would you like to see just how skilful and experienced I am over dinner?"_

_The woman actually giggled, and the Tsuchikage looked like he was about to have a fit._

_"You...you...you..." The Tsuchikage was quite literally, at a loss for words._

_"U-U-U?" asked Naruto. "What is that supposed to spell?"_

_"You-"_

_"Again?" questioned Naruto. "Oh wait, you're spelling you with three u's. That actually doesn't make a lot of sense, 'cause I could have sworn you was spelled Y-O-U."_

_"You twit! You stupid, deranged idiot!" roared the Tsuchikage. "That's my wife you're hitting on!"_

_"I wasn't hitting anyone!" protested Naruto._

_"No!" thundered the Tsuchikage. "I mean you just asked my wife to have dinner with you!"_

_Naruto looked at the Kage, than at the woman, then the Kage, and then the woman again. "I can't say I admire your taste. Tell you what, how about you have dinner with me, and your husband can have dinner with my wife."_

_"You don't have a wife!" bellowed the Tsuchikage._

_"Details, details," brushed away Naruto. "Honestly, it's always you, you, you, isn't it?" He then turned his back to display the words on the back of his coat-thing: "Rokudaime Hokage, son of the Yondaime Hokage. You know, blonde hair, killed a lot of Iwa nin, sealed away Kyuubi." He took extra good care to display the "killed a lot of Iwa nin", before wheeling around and flipping the bird at the Tsuchikage._

End flashback.

The really disappointing thing for the Tsuchikage was that he came out looking like the bad guy, and as a punishment, it was decided that his wife should go out with Naruto for dinner. Which everyone happily accepted- well, the Tsuchikage didn't, but who cares.

As well as that, Naruto had to go with his squad on missions. He had trained them a little, teaching them a few styles, jutsus, but due to the strain of Hokage duties (or perhaps ramen-eating competitions) he often left them alone.

And now, he was going on a damn B rank mission with them.

Usually he made fun out of them whilst they grumbled, but today they were walking cheerfully in front, while he grumbled.

He'd blame Sasuke for this. And Akatsuki. Things always went so smooth when he blamed them.

"Sensei, can you shut up?" asked Moegi. "You've been whining about your life for two hours now."

Naruto grumbled a bit more, before asking: "What exactly is our mission?"

The six turned to face him, disbelief on their faces.

"Sensei, you gave us the mission," said Obito.

"Well I can't remember it," snapped Naruto.

"We're going to hunt a monster," said Konohamaru.

"Yeah, the cat joke isn't funny anymore," said Naruto.

"I'm serious."

Naruto's face also looked disbelieving. "Alright, who are you and what have you done with Konohamaru?"

"Um...Naruto-sensei, this is serious, so as such, Konohamaru is being serious," said Inari.

"YAY!" shouted Udon randomly.

"Udon, what the hell has gotten into you!?" Naruto half-shouted.

Udon brandished a solved Rubik's Cube. "I solved it in ten seconds! I beat my record!"

"Nerd."

"Naruto-sensei, you're so unsupportive to us!" snapped Moegi. "You never help us or anything, you don't even train us properly!"

"This is harder than it looks!" Naruto shouted back. "Do you want me to get Gai to teach you instead!"

The genin shuddered.

"No, but you could at least try, instead of just making fun of us all the time!" shouted Moegi.

"That's part of the job requirements!"

"Is not!" shouted Konohamaru.

"Is too!"

"Is not!

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is _not_!"

"Is too!"

"It is definitely not!" shouted Naruto, mentally applauding himself.

"It is TOO! TOO! TOO! TOO!" roared Konohamaru. "Now keep making fun of us! Go on! Hurry up!"

"Of course I will," smirked Naruto, while the other genin sighed at Konohamaru's stupidity.

"Aw crap," cursed the boy.

"So what is this monster?" asked Naruto.

"I think it's a giant bear thing, as the mission says," said Inari, reading the mission scroll.

"Let me see that," said Hanabi, before snatching it. "Wee r beeing uhtacked bi giunt bare think. Wee kawl itz Gibeth. Hellp uss. Hellp uss. Gibeth myght mayke uss orll ded. Hellp us. Wee doughn't oneta too di. Wee willl paay u lotz off munee ifs youse hellps us. Signded, A.Gorilla."

"I take it someone never took classes in spelling- what are you snickering at?" demanded Hanabi.

"You have no idea how funny it was to see you say all that crap," chuckled Naruto. "Here, I'll translate it."

Hanabi tossed the scroll over, and Naruto translated.

"We are being attacked by giant bear thing. We call it Gibeth- Hmm, that's the front two letters for Giant bear thing, that's clever...not," remarked Naruto.

"Just get on with it," snapped Hanabi.

Naruto sighed, and continued. "Help us. Help us. Gibeth might make us all dead. Help us. We don't want to die. We will pay you lots of money if you help us. Signed, A.Gorilla."

"A.Gorilla?" asked Konohamaru. "This proves the exact point that I made in the last chapter, the author is really screwing up this story for the sake of bad comedy. I mean who the hell would find that bucketful of manure funny-"

Konohamaru tripped over a conveniently placed tree root, and his face landed in...well, a bucketful of manure.

"I...hate...MANURE!" spluttered Konohamaru, doing an incredible impression of Biff from the Back to the Future movies.

"Moving on," said Naruto. "So, we have a giant, possibly rabid-"

"It didn't say anything about the bear being rabid, _sensei_," commented Hanabi.

"And I didn't say anything about you having the personality of a seventy-year old council member when you're a kid. Shut up for once," said Naruto. "That's why it's _possibly_ rabid. Because it didn't say."

"You're not making sense, you realise that?" asked Obito.

"Join Hanabi in the silent compartment," snapped Naruto. "You forget I'm fast and powerful enough to pull your mask down, and expose your face to all you kids."

Obito's face turned as pale as his hair, whilst the others looked generally happy at this.

"How far away is that bear-raided village we're visiting?" asked Udon.

"We're not visiting it, Udon. It's not a bloody holiday. This is dangerous. It may be a demon bear, for all we know. With rabies," commented Naruto.

"A demon bear? We don't care, there's a demon fox in you," said Konohamaru.

"Damn, I hate Tsunade for breaking that law," cursed Naruto. "Silly twit, if it's an actual demon bear, then you lot are deader than a duck with AIDS and birdflu in the middle of duck season."

The genin gulped. "It can't be that bad..." said Hanabi.

"This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour porterage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying "This is a Large Crisis." A large crisis requires a large plan," said Naruto. "I'll leave that to everyone in the group apart from me and Konohamaru."

"What?!" said Konohamaru. "WHY?!"

"Well, since I'm not going to die, I'm not going to make a plan. Two, since I don't want to die, Konohamaru won't be helping to make the plan."

* * *

"Hello...are you A.Gorilla?" asked Naruto politely, whilst stifling laughter. 

"That's me, A.Gorilla. I'm A.Gorilla. In fact, I'm proud to be A.Gorilla," said A.Gorilla, not noticing the team burst out laughing- even Hanabi and Obito.

"So, Gorilla," said Naruto. "Where is the bear?"

"He's in the warehouse at the western end of town! Hurry! He's eating our honey reserves!"

"Bloody hell. What is this, Winnie the Pooh?" said Naruto.

* * *

"That's not a bear," said Naruto. "That's just a big rabbit. As big as two rabbits. WTF?!" 

"Yeah, since when do rabbits eat honey?" asked Obito.

"I discovered one thing. A.Gorilla has lost his glasses, and couldn't see what the rabbit was doing, or whether it was a rabbit," said Inari.

"A.Gorilla wears glasses?" asked Naruto.

"Wait, what's that stuff on its mouth?" asked Hanabi, and the team gazed at the rabbit, and suddenly Naruto leapt into the air in triumph.

"You see! It is rabid! A rabid rabbit!"

"Hey," said Udon suddenly. "That might explain the spelling problem. I hear A. and the rest of his family, the Gorillas are actually well educated."

"I thought his mother was a nun," said Inari. "And don't ask me how I know that, or whether it is has any relevance to it."

"My dad was a nun," said Udon.

The team turned to face Udon, save Naruto who was busy target practising with the rabid rabbit.

"Don't be ridiculous," scolded Hanabi. "There's no way your father could have been a nun."

"No, here's the proof," said Udon. "Whenever he was up in court, the Judge would ask him for his occupation, and he'd say: "None."

* * *

The team were back in Konohagakure, the genin with each other, Naruto in the Hokage tower. 

"I wonder how long Naruto-sensei will live," suddenly Obito said out loud.

"What?" said Inari.

"I wonder how long Naruto-sensei will live. He's got a fox demon in him that regenerates and heals him, well, won't that replenish his organs and stuff when he gets older?"

"Holy hell!" said Udon. "He might never die!"

"Naruto, Immortal Hokage," said Inari. "Has a kind of a ring to it, I suppose."

"WTF?!" screamed Konohamaru. "You're discussing the ring it'll have to it?!"

Obito, Udon and Inari looked at each other, before turning back to Konohamaru. "Yeah."

"What's wrong with you?" asked Moegi.

"If he never gets old, then he'll never a reason to step down as Hokage. Or if he never dies, how am I supposed to be Hokage!?"

"Your dream is over," said Hanabi.

Konohamaru started crying. It's even worse when you consider he's a ninja.

* * *

Naruto was actually watching movies again, instead of doing his paperwork. Suddenly, his useless genin burst in again. 

"Naruto-sensei!" shouted Moegi.

"What?" said Naruto dryly, as the movie finished, and he removed it from the player, before contemplating what movie to put in next.

"We found out that the Chunnin Exams are approaching!" said Konohamaru.

The expression on Naruto's face turned to horror. "Who told you that!?"

"The Godaime did!" said Konohamaru. "She must have been happy with us, because she kept laughing, but kept muttering something like: "that'll teach that brat" and "Naruto will love that."

"Damn," said Naruto. "Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn."

"Stop saying that, Naruto-sensei," said Moegi.

"Oh well, you six aren't allowed. You'll all fail," said Naruto.

"WHAT?!" were the roars of several of the genin.

"Here, this is what you'll look like," said Naruto, before going over to his movie collection. He selected _300_, and put in the player, fast-forwarding near to the end.

"Yeah...you see those guys being killed by arrows. That's you, in the next Chunnin Exam."

"We're not guys, and we wouldn't dress like that!" were the indignant cries of Hanabi and Moegi.

"I don't even know the other teams would have arrows," said Inari.

"Damn, I look muscular," said Udon.

"I didn't even know it was possible to have a spear and two swords stuck in you, not cry in pain, and then kill the enemies holding the spear and swords before going out with three war-cries," said Obito.

"Who's the mad looking fellow with all the gold piercings and crap? And why did he start bitching when he got scratched by a spear?" asked Konohamaru.

Naruto sighed, and stopped the movie. "That's not the point. The point is, that you'll get massacred."

"Won't you want that?" asked Obito.

"What?" asked Naruto.

"Well, either way we die, or become Chunnin. We won't be in your team."

Naruto suddenly stopped. A win-win situation. Even if they didn't die, and didn't become Chunnin, they'd probably be injured, or miserable for the next several months, when the next Chunnin Exams would occur.

"Alright, that's good enough for me," grinned Naruto, and the genin started celebrating.

"Yes!" shouted Konohamaru. "I'll become Chunnin!"

"Oh, wait a second," said Naruto happily. "The six of you will have to split into two groups of three."

* * *

Er...yeah. So, I'll be updating Reaper of Death next. Oh, and by the way, the next chapter of Reaper of Death will feature some violence, but hey.

As for this story, well, there were several quotes which I er, "borrowed" from numerous places, and I will not mention these quotes, or where they came from.

And by the way, there have been some changes to my profile page. I highly advise you all to read it.

Oh, and some of you can identify the hidden quotes. But I won't get my hopes up.

For some strange reason, the edit/preview thing on this site is making these overtype, so I can't edit any mistakes. So, uh, sorry if there are.

**_LightningHunter_**


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